Monday, June 15, 2009

No Blog Award for Me!

Let's face it. I am never going to win a Blog Award.
From stupid conferences updates to my creative work table (that now have gay fairy-lights around it) to the the dark and dirty grey matter within this head, it's all here. It's a jumbled up blog mess.

Blog spaghetti.

I have lost that " I'm gonna be the best blogger ever and write amazing and creative and insightful posts" kinda feeling and just blog. Just blog and enjoy it. One year of blogging and I haven't even created a niche or an angle. Hell, I don't even have an artists statement! But the great thing is I don't care.
That's right, it is not important.
I realised that I just love doing my art for me.
I do it for me. To hang on my walls.

After spending many years living in cold studios, eating veggies and rice, trying to be an Artist (With a capital A) I realised it never really worked for me. I started following trends to make ends meet. (I never worked a real job) What a bloody mistake. I lost sight of why I was creating, putting so much pressure on an ideal of what an artist's life was. No such problems now! I bring home the bacon, then I create and enjoy myself.

Thinking that artistic success or rewards came from financial gain, my focus became less creative. Thank goodness I stopped that years ago and now creating without thinking about the galleries, potential buyers and this seasons colour trends in fucking home ware.

It's funny, this feeling culminated when I was excepted into Red Hill Gallery in Brisbane. It is one of those pretty cool galleries but once I got there, it wasn't such a big deal after all.

I guess the summary is, for me at least, is that it's OK if I can't survive only on my art. That's normal. That's fine. I would rather work, enjoy the money, and create for sheer joy. Create for myself.

Why am I talking like this? Why am I crapping on all philosophical? Well I found some photos of the last oil painting I did that embodied this philosophy of creating only for me. A portrait of my son and I from about 8 years ago when I had 'artist meltdown'. (Don't worry, it was a good thing!) Since then I haven't updated my artists statement, pursued galleries, wrote media bloody releases or chased a dream that relied on others to reward me.

These photos show the building up ( In reverse) of a very personal image. This oil painting was larger (7'x4') than life and I worked on it over several months. You can actually see a development of a wry smile as the painting develops. This has to be one of my favourites of all time. Also, after looking at it ten years down the track, I look at it and think. "Shit! I am an artist!"

I loved creating this piece instead of doing my 'gallery paintings.' The funny thing was I actually sold it, which kinda defeated the purpose of creating something just for me. But it did reinforce the idea of creating greater success through doing what I love. The sale was a by-product of creating, not the purpose.

Rewards come later and I don't mind waiting.

Love to you from a rare mid-week post.
May your God be with you. X